Good luck, Bearish

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  • So this might be a really stupid question...but can you guys drink soda after this surgery? Or does it fill you up too much?

    Nope! NO SODA!!!! bubbles= BAD (they can stretch the pouch) plus the whole sugar thing (this from a guy who drank 1-2 2 liter bottles of Diet Pepsi A DAY. (wow, really?) now I struggle to get in 60oz of water a day (I used to be known as 'the camel' as I could stand and drink at a water fountain for 10-15 minutes...sigh)
  • Freynika said:

    @DrSparkles Can you ask for an anti-nausea patch? I think it's crazy for these doctors to prescribe oral anti-nausea meds for someone who can't keep anything down. I've definitely been there myself with this - still am on occasion. I question the doctors/nurses judgement sometimes if they haven't been there themselves. It's got to be dangerous for you to be dry heaving so soon after your surgery. I can't believe they let you out so soon - I was in for 4 days with mine.

    Buyer's remorse is normal. I've still got it 5 1/2 months later. As long as everything heals normally, you should feel more like yourself in 4 months, or at least that's how long it took me. I still look at some foods and want to put as much in my mouth as I can, as fast as I can, but you'll learn pretty quick that you'll regret it. One slip-up will teach you pretty quickly, at least in the early stages.

    I forget, did you get the sleeve or the roux-en-y?

    Once you figure out your vitamins, it won't be so bad. I actually like most of mine, but it took some trial and error. I'll list out my brands when I get home and can take a look at the bottles. I carry my pills around in a Ziploc so I don't have an excuse not to take them.

    @largishbearishAtlish - you're serious about your neighbor? I don't think even Christ himself would have told her to go to church when she had an opportunity to help someone in need. It's shocking how un-Christ-like these people can be, and yet wave their big Christian flag nonetheless.

    I'm getting sick of the comments on my weight loss. I'm okay with talking about it with some people, but I feel like it's not even most people's business. Yeah, I know I look a lot better, but I don't care to be judged on my looks. My mom judged my looks all my life and I'm just fucking done with it. I'd rather take a compliment on something I did, not something that was done to me. I consider this surgery to be the latter. One of the reasons I like going out to do things alone is I can be anonymous and nobody bothers me about it. My weight struggle has always been a deeply private thing for me and I prefer to keep it that way.

    ---Okay.... as to anti-nausea.... the gastro called back (he is wonderful about that!) BUT...(sigh).... 2 diff meds, and *nothing*. He said to 'talk to my surgeon'. Nope!!!! NOT GONNA HAPPEN! I would rather spend time with my biomom (aka 'the bc"), or kiss '45' on the lips (blech!). Will never set foot in that morons office (if you are considering Bariatric Surgeon in metro Atlanta,do NOT use Dr. Michael D.Williams bariatric surgeon. EVER.-
    -I am even considering 'cannibus' (this from Mr ANTI drug guy, but it MIGHT help with PTSD and Depression as well (anyone know anything/experience with CBD oil(s)? I am desperate, am realizing I have been nauseous for...6? 9? months now, sigh.

    --as to the neighbor- I am sure in her (tiny) mind 'all is fine' (sheesh). You can't just make this crap up. But they all think (know?) I am CRAZY so...meh.

    -oh! a bit of....good? news? today? I got a text from 'coffee-bear' (the super nice guy I met back in Oct. (who I have fallen for, BEFORE finding out he suffers Bipolar 1). Anyhow a LOT of silence. I had set a mental date of Feb 14th (yes, THAT day) that 'if I don't get/hear a sign...to just walk away and cover/protect myself. So I get a TEXT today, saying he will be at 'Bearbucks' (aka the 'gay/bear starbucks) after his meeting today (I am also VERY glad to hear that he IS going to 'sobriety meetings' (his 11 year anniv is at the end of the month!!)...

    Anyhow, it went...well. I am rather proud of him- I realize(d) he is 'drugged up' (bipolar meds) but damn, it was SOOOOO nice to see him. I have missed the hell out of him (I have not seen him since Dec when he had a HUGE blowout/up with his family and basically drove back to ATL and went into a MAJOR shut down (sigh). I asked if we could 'do this again'? he said Yes. (when I mentioned his comment (in Dec) about 'we need to do a sleep over in 2018' (he remembers the comment...tiny/baby steps... Also glad to hear he told the ex (who dumped him after 24+ years(!) to back off/go away (whew).

    I *did* get -3- pecks on the lips :) when we parted ways..

    Oh! in the middle of our talk, he got a text/msg from his boss saying 'He had mail???', CBear, looking at the pic said 'who do I know who lives in.......???' then the light went off. "YOU live in _________, you stinker!" yep...I don't know his (remote) work adress or home adress (and if I had shown up, would that be 'stalking'? :smiley: ... Anyhow- he didn't know anything about my 'mental time line'. Whew- one thing off my (very) full plate.

    taking it very slow....thanks for listening to my rant.
  • Freynika said:

    @DrSparkles Can you ask for an anti-nausea patch? I think it's crazy for these doctors to prescribe oral anti-nausea meds for someone who can't keep anything down. I've definitely been there myself with this - still am on occasion. I question the doctors/nurses judgement sometimes if they haven't been there themselves. It's got to be dangerous for you to be dry heaving so soon after your surgery. I can't believe they let you out so soon - I was in for 4 days with mine.

    Buyer's remorse is normal. I've still got it 5 1/2 months later. As long as everything heals normally, you should feel more like yourself in 4 months, or at least that's how long it took me. I still look at some foods and want to put as much in my mouth as I can, as fast as I can, but you'll learn pretty quick that you'll regret it. One slip-up will teach you pretty quickly, at least in the early stages.

    I forget, did you get the sleeve or the roux-en-y?

    Once you figure out your vitamins, it won't be so bad. I actually like most of mine, but it took some trial and error. I'll list out my brands when I get home and can take a look at the bottles. I carry my pills around in a Ziploc so I don't have an excuse not to take them.

    I'm getting sick of the comments on my weight loss. I'm okay with talking about it with some people, but I feel like it's not even most people's business. Yeah, I know I look a lot better, but I don't care to be judged on my looks. My mom judged my looks all my life and I'm just fucking done with it. I'd rather take a compliment on something I did, not something that was done to me. I consider this surgery to be the latter. One of the reasons I like going out to do things alone is I can be anonymous and nobody bothers me about it. My weight struggle has always been a deeply private thing for me and I prefer to keep it that way.

    Thanks @Freynika! I had the sleeve. I did have a scopolamine patch for surgery, I told them I always puke w anesthesia. But yeah, option a was melt on my tongue? Fuck!
    I just ordered some different vitamins, only one a day vs 2 nasty ass ones. Yeah, right now I have a list of what to take, ~3 in am, vitamins w lunch, ~2 + calcium in afternoon. I’m still taking sips that are too big which is hard to believe; I mean, my spoon is barely coated w soup!!
    I’m sorry to hear about your mom & the other comments, there’s just so much to deal w with this process!! I’m hoping to just throw a ‘thx’ & breeze on by, but since I’ve been in Atlanta (14 years) I’ve been obese & steadily gaining, so it will be all new for everyone I’ve met here!
  • So this might be a really stupid question...but can you guys drink soda after this surgery? Or does it fill you up too much?

    Nope! NO SODA!!!! bubbles= BAD (they can stretch the pouch) plus the whole sugar thing (this from a guy who drank 1-2 2 liter bottles of Diet Pepsi A DAY. (wow, really?) now I struggle to get in 60oz of water a day (I used to be known as 'the camel' as I could stand and drink at a water fountain for 10-15 minutes...sigh)
    I drink a shit ton of water. I have the flu right now (and I'm soooo miserable) and I'm sip sip sipping and it made me think of you guys...especially when the nausea started back up.

    I have so much respect for y'all for going through this surgery if it's like this ALL THE TIME. I hope it at least doesn't come with headaches, earaches and upset stomach as well!
  • @largishbearishAtlish - That's great that things on the social front are going well. It's a good distraction from all the internal crap. I miss those days of getting to know my husband so long ago, when we used to try to impress each other.

    Sorry about the continued nausea and the asshole surgeon. Is there anyone else in your hospital's program who could help that isn't your surgeon? I don't think mine even remembers me (I said hi in the hallway once, but he looked bewildered, and it wasn't that long after the surgery), but his staff sure do.

    @DrSparkles - yeah, that oral nausea pill is disgusting! I've got it for when I can't stop burping, which turns into vomiting. I never actually feel nauseas, I feel like it's more of a muscular thing, whatever that means. The worst thing for nausea is being made to put something disgusting in your mouth. The one time I did use, it, I had to chase it with orange juice to kill the flavor, which I then, of course, threw up.

    @carlatheviking - and if we do have headaches, we don't get to take any good meds for them. Tylenol only. They say it's because anything else can contribute to ulcers in our perforations from the surgery. Caffeine can do that, too. So yeah, no good meds, no caffeine, limit sugar (I don't "dump," but a lot of other people do), and drink alcohol at your own risk since now we get drunk on half a glass of wine, or so I'm told. I haven't tried yet, mostly because I don't want to experiment with alcohol vs. new pouch in public.
  • Freynika said:

    @largishbearishAtlish - That's great that things on the social front are going well. It's a good distraction from all the internal crap. I miss those days of getting to know my husband so long ago, when we used to try to impress each other.

    Sorry about the continued nausea and the asshole surgeon. Is there anyone else in your hospital's program who could help that isn't your surgeon? I don't think mine even remembers me (I said hi in the hallway once, but he looked bewildered, and it wasn't that long after the surgery), but his staff sure do.

    I am now asking for a(nother) referral for a(nother) surgeon (sigh).
    (I think 'Dr X' as I mentally think of him) would RUN from me...(something about me 'going off' on another one of his patients... and calling a liar a liar to her face (the clueless office person lying to myself with an 'apology' that meant ZERO...)


    No word from Coffee-Bear today...actually saw him post on FB. can't expect miracles I guess overnight...had hoped I would hear from him about the card... but...

  • @Freynika - omg that sounds so hard! You guys are amazing for dealing with this!
  • Well @largishbearishAtlish , you know how it is w bipolar people, they can have so much going on/to deal with, new/other ‘stuff’ gets lost in the shuffle! I hope you & Angus had a happy VD! And you @Freynika !!
    Today was back to (tele)work for me, went fine. One more week of fluids! Tmrw is my 10-day post-op & weigh in. Interested in seeing what’s up & if anything is new :)
    Thanks @carlatheviking !
  • small update- I am now anorexic (literally afraid to eat)... I find myself not wanting to show anything of my body (I feel 'safer' wearing my longjohns/long sleeve shirts, fingerless gloves), I think I look 'skeletal' (am told I look 'fine') I still feel utterly, totally invisible in the gay community... I don't know who, or what, is in the mirror...

    Working the 12 steps IS helping, I have to just 'turn it over'. I don't like the word 'meals' anymore- I simply call them 'nutritional opportunities'. Food is not 'good' or 'bad' it is just...nutrition. I miss when I got joy from eating (I have to MAKE myself swallow, am tricking myself into eating (i.e. eating while driving, distracted, etc). I keep almond butter packets in my pocket to 'remind' myself to eat. I keep bottles of water...every 3 feet in the house to remind me. When I go to 'meetings' I take -2- bottles to drink...(for some weird reason I can sit there are drink 1-2 bottles, yet at home? (the water is sitting next to me & I have yet to touch it...sigh) Writing that reminded me to take a swig.

    Thanks to the 12 steps I have actually MADE my (or come w/in 10 pts of) my daily calorie/protein/hydration goals, because if it were up to me....that 'voice' tells me 'starving is fine/starving is cool'...ugh. (I have been back and forth from 205 to 208 for weeks now- 199 is the BAD # (then we talk reversal). I do *NOT* want that, given my track record, stepping in front of a bus would be simpler...(and financially I can no longer afford...much- I spent a sh*tload of $$$$ last year on medical.

    On the good news side, a dr's asst suggested I call the local HUGE medical universities psych dept- the most AMAZING lady called me...in chatting she realized the anti-dep I take has a side effect of LOSING WEIGHT... so she volunteered! to call my psych MD (I see her for 4 minutes every 3 months)...to talk to her about changing me over to *another* med (WOW)... also got a list of psych MDs (I realize how utterly insane I sound...), got lucky- a lady answered the phone (I thought it was her machine, lol)... her HUSBAND takes my insurance + is accepting new patients.. (cool) have an appt next week. Also doing an ultrasound next week for a 'look see' (hopefully find something obvious/simple?)...fingers crossed. This constant nausea is grinding me down BAD.
  • I am thinking about you, really hope everything gets resolved for you. You've been through so much. You're not alone.
  • small update- I am now anorexic (literally afraid to eat)... I find myself not wanting to show anything of my body (I feel 'safer' wearing my longjohns/long sleeve shirts, fingerless gloves), I think I look 'skeletal' (am told I look 'fine') I still feel utterly, totally invisible in the gay community... I don't know who, or what, is in the mirror...

    Working the 12 steps IS helping, I have to just 'turn it over'. I don't like the word 'meals' anymore- I simply call them 'nutritional opportunities'. Food is not 'good' or 'bad' it is just...nutrition. I miss when I got joy from eating (I have to MAKE myself swallow, am tricking myself into eating (i.e. eating while driving, distracted, etc). I keep almond butter packets in my pocket to 'remind' myself to eat. I keep bottles of water...every 3 feet in the house to remind me. When I go to 'meetings' I take -2- bottles to drink...(for some weird reason I can sit there are drink 1-2 bottles, yet at home? (the water is sitting next to me & I have yet to touch it...sigh) Writing that reminded me to take a swig.

    Thanks to the 12 steps I have actually MADE my (or come w/in 10 pts of) my daily calorie/protein/hydration goals, because if it were up to me....that 'voice' tells me 'starving is fine/starving is cool'...ugh. (I have been back and forth from 205 to 208 for weeks now- 199 is the BAD # (then we talk reversal). I do *NOT* want that, given my track record, stepping in front of a bus would be simpler...(and financially I can no longer afford...much- I spent a sh*tload of $$$$ last year on medical.

    On the good news side, a dr's asst suggested I call the local HUGE medical universities psych dept- the most AMAZING lady called me...in chatting she realized the anti-dep I take has a side effect of LOSING WEIGHT... so she volunteered! to call my psych MD (I see her for 4 minutes every 3 months)...to talk to her about changing me over to *another* med (WOW)... also got a list of psych MDs (I realize how utterly insane I sound...), got lucky- a lady answered the phone (I thought it was her machine, lol)... her HUSBAND takes my insurance + is accepting new patients.. (cool) have an appt next week. Also doing an ultrasound next week for a 'look see' (hopefully find something obvious/simple?)...fingers crossed. This constant nausea is grinding me down BAD.

    I really feel for you now that I have a better understanding of things. Nausea is THE WORST IMO. Good luck w your new MD!
    For me, I just feel like it's a LOT of effort to cook/prepare food & then eat 6 bites. Don't get me wrong, I'm doing it!!!, it's just a lot of leftovers.
  • The...latest....
    Good news? Found out what (might) be causing all the blasted nausea...

    "bad" news? gallstones... At this point- grab a can opener kids...lets do whatever it takes. (sheesh) this has been hell.. I have yet to even have an appt with the PCP to discuss (the 'results' have to make it across the street to his office, etc...)

    Reading up....seems ALL THE &sshole EX surgeon had to do what put me on an anti-gallstone med for 6 months?
    (makes me want to sue but...ugh, all that effort/anger)

    Anyone else have this happen?

    (the (very) nice lady doing the ultrasound said (I asked her if she could see what/if was wrong..."I am not a doctor so I can't say what...Oh, I see what the problem is...I am not telling you you have a gallstone!" :) (I was fully expecting this to be a(nother) dead end...).

    I am considering getting a lawyer at this point. ENOUGH IS A FREAGIN NOUGH G-DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!! when does this get 'fun'? sheesh "oh, you lost 250 lbs, you must feel GREAT! nope. I feel like SH*T. and am f'ing tired of it...sigh
  • As a former midwife, I am wondering whether some of the remedies and comfort measures we use for hyperemesis (severe pregnancy nausea & vomiting) might be helpful in conjunction with whatever meds your caregivers are prescribing.
    Have any of you tried acupressure wrist bands, aka Sea Bands? They're quite inexpensive, and usually easy to find at drug stores. I did some googling and found an article about research done in Taiwan that showed they helped with post-op nausea after surgery for GI cancer. https://yinyanghouse.com/bodywork/simple-acupressure-points-reduce-post-operative-pain-and-nausea
    They only looked at immediate post-op, but it's one of those things where it won't do any harm even if it doesn't help. Someone even makes a fancy (and more expensive, of course) version that actively stimulates the nerves on the wrist. https://www.amazon.com/ReliefBand-Voyager-Motion-Sickness-Band/dp/B003LMNGW8
  • All I know about this is that lots of bariatric patients seem to have the gall bladders removed. Either during the original surgery or after. Not sure what the correlation is tho. :(
  • Hoooray....gettting my gallbladder AND stones out tomorrow...weee..

    honestly tho...what will life with OUT constant nausea/pain be like?? sigh...

    oh, Coffee Bear broke up with me...via a TEXT.sheesh. what a tool.

    next.
  • Good luck today!!
  • Sending staring googly eyes your way! Hope you're well!!!!!
  • Am home...sore but okay...taking a DAY OFF mentally and physically. . Licking my wounds a bit over the Coffee Bear mess (still...well disgusted over that) but...think I fell in love with a fantasy, his loss NOT mine.

    Time to get healed physically, then worry about the mental/emotional... If/when I see him at a meeting...his loss. He can ask me out again, but this boat/bear has sailed...feel like I was trial-ed with out my consent...if he wants to take 2 folks who don't know me/my situation? that says a lot, about him. sigh. hurts yes, but will not let it kill me.

    Curious (very!) to see what life feels like with OUT the constant nausea....(sort of like my depression, its a constant...so what will life be without that 'old friend'??? head scratching...

    now to get over the soreness, etc... take it slow...tomorrow is the new PhD therapist and my SW is insisting I take a DBT class (24 weeks + it co$ts $$$) sigh...

    TBAtl...
  • I am super hopeful that your stomach & nausea will be so much better. This has been so hard for you :( Sorry about CoffeeBear, it IS his loss!
    I finally got past my 2-week plateau (of only losing a pound each week!) & lost 5 this past week :) PHEW
  • Wow, I've missed a lot these past couple weeks.

    @DrSparkles, how's the recovery going? Are you on to solids yet? I've got a friend that had the sleeve done about the same time as yours, and she's on soft foods. Hers was actually a correction, since she had the lap band years ago and it wasn't working out for her.

    @largishbearishAtlish, do you feel better now that your gall bladder is out? I had mine removed about 9 years ago because I had some nasty gallstones. They asked about it before my surgery, too, so I guess it's pretty common to do both at once. Does the nausea feel any better? And that's too bad about Coffee Bear, but like everyone else said, it's definitely his loss. And how is the new therapist working out? I hope you're on to much better things, mentally and physically.

    I'm chugging along. I'm 69 pounds down, although it depends entirely on when my last BM happened. The buyer's remorse is lifting, since I've mostly gone back to normal with what I can eat, although how much is still very limited. I had a filet o' fish sandwich (half of bun removed, of course) on Friday and it didn't bother my system at all, which is a major step for me. I haven't been able to eat anything breaded and fried without severe problems.

    I did something I've never done as an adult on Saturday... I looked in the regular size departments at Macy's. I'm on the cusp between a 16/18, so I was a little curious. I didn't get anything, but it was so strange and overwhelming to look. I've never had options like that before, an entire floor of clothes I've never been able to do anything but walk past. Also I looked at swim suits. I haven't worn a swim suit since 1992, but it's happening this summer. I'm not quite ready to commit to a suit yet, but it was interesting to look. I'm glad to see that now there are swimming shorts options, which didn't exist to my knowledge way back when. I wish the old style from 100 years ago were in fashion, so I could keep as covered as possible. I want to swim, but I don't want to show my body while I do it.
  • Still very exhausted from the surgery (realizing for a 'normal' system it would be rough, but for someone who does not meet their daily nutritional goals...whew). One day at a time.
    As to 'whats-his-name', still smarting from that... miss him. Also still quite angry that I didn't at least get a Phone Call (FB Messenger? tacky!) still heard zero from him (I have gotten a 'like' or two on a post on FB, that's it. I did see him at a meeting last week, but that is HIS program, I am working mine. Thats it. IF he were to call (oh wait, he never did...I would simply pass... (his statement to his best friend & sponsor that we were NOT dating still pisses me off. (also him sending me 'dick picks'...then telling me we can NOT have sex? wow dude, talk about MIXED freagin messages)... I need to delete his phone # and un-friend him, but not there, yet. (sigh)... oh well. At least it proved I *do* have a heart (something I would not have known)....

    New therapist- only 2 sessions in... no idea (yet). Also starting a DBT (Dialetical Behaviour Therapy group this Thursday. a 24 week commitment (and co$t) ugh. My therapist said today I am basically in 'outpatient treatment' (therapy 4 x week, whew). This thursday will be my 60 day chip (I hope :) ).

  • Freynika said:



    I did something I've never done as an adult on Saturday... I looked in the regular size departments at Macy's. I'm on the cusp between a 16/18, so I was a little curious. I didn't get anything, but it was so strange and overwhelming to look. I've never had options like that before, an entire floor of clothes I've never been able to do anything but walk past. Also I looked at swim suits. I haven't worn a swim suit since 1992, but it's happening this summer. I'm not quite ready to commit to a suit yet, but it was interesting to look. I'm glad to see that now there are swimming shorts options, which didn't exist to my knowledge way back when. I wish the old style from 100 years ago were in fashion, so I could keep as covered as possible. I want to swim, but I don't want to show my body while I do it.

    Land's End has loads of great options for swim shorts and t-shirts/rash guards. I am so pale I fry just thinking about a day at the beach, so having all those choices are wonderful.
  • CourtneyA said:


    Freynika said:



    I did something I've never done as an adult on Saturday... I looked in the regular size departments at Macy's. I'm on the cusp between a 16/18, so I was a little curious. I didn't get anything, but it was so strange and overwhelming to look. I've never had options like that before, an entire floor of clothes I've never been able to do anything but walk past. Also I looked at swim suits. I haven't worn a swim suit since 1992, but it's happening this summer. I'm not quite ready to commit to a suit yet, but it was interesting to look. I'm glad to see that now there are swimming shorts options, which didn't exist to my knowledge way back when. I wish the old style from 100 years ago were in fashion, so I could keep as covered as possible. I want to swim, but I don't want to show my body while I do it.

    Land's End has loads of great options for swim shorts and t-shirts/rash guards. I am so pale I fry just thinking about a day at the beach, so having all those choices are wonderful.
    my body dysmorfia has been so disgusted...its in the high 70s and I am wearing long sleeves and fingerless gloves- I *loathe* the way I now look (I think I look 'skeletal') I feel uncomfortable showing any part of my (hideous) body now...ugh. Yet I see folks in flip flops and shorts...ugh. (I even wear an undershirt to 'protect'... I really miss the 'security' of my longjohns..sigh
  • Freynika said:

    Wow, I've missed a lot these past couple weeks.

    @DrSparkles, how's the recovery going? Are you on to solids yet? I've got a friend that had the sleeve done about the same time as yours, and she's on soft foods. Hers was actually a correction, since she had the lap band years ago and it wasn't working out for her.

    @largishbearishAtlish, do you feel better now that your gall bladder is out? I had mine removed about 9 years ago because I had some nasty gallstones. They asked about it before my surgery, too, so I guess it's pretty common to do both at once. Does the nausea feel any better? And that's too bad about Coffee Bear, but like everyone else said, it's definitely his loss. And how is the new therapist working out? I hope you're on to much better things, mentally and physically.

    I'm chugging along. I'm 69 pounds down, although it depends entirely on when my last BM happened. The buyer's remorse is lifting, since I've mostly gone back to normal with what I can eat, although how much is still very limited. I had a filet o' fish sandwich (half of bun removed, of course) on Friday and it didn't bother my system at all, which is a major step for me. I haven't been able to eat anything breaded and fried without severe problems.

    I did something I've never done as an adult on Saturday... I looked in the regular size departments at Macy's. I'm on the cusp between a 16/18, so I was a little curious. I didn't get anything, but it was so strange and overwhelming to look. I've never had options like that before, an entire floor of clothes I've never been able to do anything but walk past. Also I looked at swim suits. I haven't worn a swim suit since 1992, but it's happening this summer. I'm not quite ready to commit to a suit yet, but it was interesting to look. I'm glad to see that now there are swimming shorts options, which didn't exist to my knowledge way back when. I wish the old style from 100 years ago were in fashion, so I could keep as covered as possible. I want to swim, but I don't want to show my body while I do it.

    Good for you @Freynika !! I’m good, I’m down ~35 pounds, coming up on 2 mo out. I’m eating lots of fish. I’m in FL for a week+, so lots of fresh options. I just get full so fast & I really hate not being able to drink w/after meals.
    I could give a damn what other people think, and even at my heaviest was constantly in a bathing suit (I have a beach house that I’m at at least once/mo & for several weeks throughout the year). I’ll be damned if I’m gonna be any hotter than I have to be in the sun! So this week, I broke out these 2 high-waisted bikinis! My stomach is seeing the sun for the first time in ~20 years! Only by my pool so far tho. That belly is white & the rest of me is brown! I’m about 5 degrees cooler without that damn skirt & tankini!
  • Freynika said:

    Wow, I've missed a lot these past couple weeks.

    @largishbearishAtlish, do you feel better now that your gall bladder is out? I had mine removed about 9 years ago because I had some nasty gallstones. They asked about it before my surgery, too, so I guess it's pretty common to do both at once. Does the nausea feel any better? And that's too bad about Coffee Bear, but like everyone else said, it's definitely his loss. And how is the new therapist working out? I hope you're on to much better things, mentally and physically.

    Honestly? I can't figure out...my body. 2 days in a row I am feeling....not sure. its like I am craving 'something'? hungry but nauseous...??? I am still eating...well nutrional junk (chips,etc). I seem to be nauseous the first half of the day, then sort of graze the 2nd half (am gettting in 2500-3000 calories but...). This AM I wandered around a Quicktrip (gas station) knowing I needed to 'eat' yet....wound up getting BACK in the car and going back to sesame sticks (ugh, tired of them). I usually eat 1/2 a hamburger (well the meat, etc, but give 1 1/2 of the bun to (happy) Angus- and I force myself. Its like I keep thinking 'there is SOMETHING out there that will 'fill' this...hole? craving? feeling? Then my brain/addiction says NO FOOD! STOP!!!! (even writing this I can feel my stomach 'cinching up'). Hope this make sense.

    Realizing I am still tired. As to the new therapist- we are still in the 'learning' stage (honestly- I wish he would take a bit more of the lead but...) he told me his thesis was on Acohol addiction in fathers and sons...so he 'gets' the addiction thing (and men) so...I start the DBT training tomorrow (24 week commitment $$).

  • am applying for eating disorder treatment grants- I am in 'full blown' anorexia/body dysmorfia now. I am terrified of food (today I hit 207...(199= surgery reversal). my 'short list' of foods is shrinking...(I realize starving is giving me the 'high' that binging used to..). But I will _NOT_ go down with out a fight this time by golly! Found out about C.E.D.S. (certified eating disorder specialists), am 'cross referencing' with that (have 2 appts next week, 1 person (who sounds like a hard ass :) ) will ONLY see me if I also work with a nutrionists (who knows about eating disorders). I def have PSEAD (post surgery eating avoidance disorder). I am wearing long sleeves in 80+ degree weather as I don't want anyone to see my (bony, ugly, thin arms). (ditto long pants- this from a guy who would be in shorts, sandals and short sleeves in 70 degree weather. Taking it one day/one hour at a time (will go by (fast food place) and get a hamburger, eat the 'meat' (for the protein) and give the bun(s) to Angus.. do that a few times a day (I am desp low on protein)... I am managing (most days) to get in my hydration tho...
  • Hey, Bearish. How are things progressing? Did you get hooked up with a good therapist and nutritionist?

    I'm plateaued out at a 70 pound loss. I haven't lost anything in months. I'm guessing I'm almost at full recovery point, because now I want to eat everything in sight until I feel full. I literally just had a cup of broccoli cheddar soup for lunch, then a pound of watermelon, a clementine, and a pack of Belvitas in the last 2 hours, and I could still eat more. I'm still managing to stay away from batter-fried foods and too much bun on my sandwiches, since those have given me the worst reactions, but everything else is back on the table. I even had a small fountain Pepsi a couple weeks ago (stirred it to flatten it out some, drank over the course of a couple hours). I'm thinking I need to spend a week getting back to basics with a lot of hydration, protein shakes, fruit, and yogurt to get my system jump started again. It's getting on time to buy a bathing suit, too, since it's been in the 90s in my area for the past week. It's so strange that we had a literal blizzard here less than 2 months ago.
  • Lets see...I finally found a CEDS (certified eating disorder specialist) took days/hours of phone calls...but I am (cautiously) optimistic...whew. Its still a day to day/hour by hour struggle. I agree with her, a nutritionist right now is a waste of time (one lady I 'interviewed' would ONLY work with me if I worked with one (I disagree) right now I need to work on other things (one clue-less twit said 'you just need to eat some veggies and fruit" NEXT!!! (no clue)... today is 1700 calories (sigh). My weight is actually....balancing (but writing this pisses me off- there is a VERY real part of my brain that screams NO! LOSE!!! sigh).

    I have found Eating Disorders Anon (the talk about 'balance' not that baffling BS of "abstinence" (wth??). Also going to (free!) ANAD meetings (Anorexia Nervosa And (related) disorder meetings... I am just a tad overwhelmed with the new lady (so many things to work/focus on! like trying to shave an iceberg with a cheese grater!

    Had a 'big deal' day yesterday (still can't believe I actually did it). I went to/attended a BIG picnic at the local LGBT 12-step 'clubhouse'. Honestly- I was TERRIFIED! (I 'lost time' but..). I compare(d) it to a newly recovering alchie going to a beer bust..ALL THAT FOOD! oh god(s) terrifying, but my faith in humanity, wow. a few wonderful amazing folks made a real, honest point of 'checking in' with me (one wonderful old (recovering) drunk had NO clue, but dammit- he TRIED, god(s) love him for that... I almost talked myself into NOT going but I went to the meeting first and then...winged it. whew. I came home and cried I was so drained...I keep thinking someone in the 12 step group is going ot call me a fraud but...(and thankfully not seen much of the man who broke my heart (I know it is his 'home group' but...

    I am now 'locked in' on a very few foods I can/will eat- sf pudding cups only (dark choc or van/choc swirl (not the plain choc), a frozen ww waffle w/a slice of cheese, a burger patty (wendys or BK) w/cheese, no bun, no produce, no pickle (the catsup 'scares' me (catsup= sugar= dumping, ugh), 1 oz bags of cheetos (crunchy not puffs)...maybe a few black or blue berries (tried a handfull of cherries- not good (dumped) sigh. Peach Propel water (3 = hydration goals).Prettty much realizing my protein goals of 113 /day are NOT obtainable, but I still track them (are you using #myfitnesspal? LOVE IT! so intuitive!

    Oh, did you know there is a high correlary (sp) with OCD and EDs? (eating disorders) I never would have made the connection...(this new lady is AWESOME! I am so very lucky- she is one of 6 CEDS supervisors in the state! (oh she is even giving me a reduced rate AND I just found out! Medicare will pay 75%!!! (but I have to pay up front, etc but still!).

    the 'week' is- Mon orig therapist, noon meeting, once a month book club :), Tues Noon mtg (maybe) EDA mtg @ 6, Wed new therapist, noon meeting, 6pm ANAD meeting, Thurs orig therapist (til july, then only 1 x week (she is also coordinating a 'treatment plan' (she is soooo awesome), noon mtg, Friday noon mtg, 8pm mtg (great old group), sat is 10 ANAD mtg, noon mtg, sun 4pm meeting + 8pm online EDA mtg..

    trying to talk to a local ED info network about being a speaker...oh, the online EDA fb group just asked me to help moderate (I am honored, but this breaks my 'I will NEVER be on a board or comittee rule lol :)

    whew, sorry, didn't mean to ramble.

    recovery is...wierd (part of me still wants to live in that wonderful hell/chaos..sigh)

    its like a 'teeter totter from hell'...stay in my lane

    oh, the body dymorfia is HELL, upper 80s and VERY humid and I can/will only wear long sleeves/pants, full shoes. ugh
    Freynika said:

    Hey, Bearish. How are things progressing? Did you get hooked up with a good therapist and nutritionist?

    I'm plateaued out at a 70 pound loss. I haven't lost anything in months. I'm guessing I'm almost at full recovery point, because now I want to eat everything in sight until I feel full. I literally just had a cup of broccoli cheddar soup for lunch, then a pound of watermelon, a clementine, and a pack of Belvitas in the last 2 hours, and I could still eat more. I'm still managing to stay away from batter-fried foods and too much bun on my sandwiches, since those have given me the worst reactions, but everything else is back on the table. I even had a small fountain Pepsi a couple weeks ago (stirred it to flatten it out some, drank over the course of a couple hours). I'm thinking I need to spend a week getting back to basics with a lot of hydration, protein shakes, fruit, and yogurt to get my system jump started again. It's getting on time to buy a bathing suit, too, since it's been in the 90s in my area for the past week. It's so strange that we had a literal blizzard here less than 2 months ago.

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