What to wear to a quinceanera if you're agender

Hi everyone -- My 15-year-old has been invited to a quinceanera and we have no idea what to wear. My child identifies as agender and their standard attire is a T-shirt, hoodie, jeans, and sneakers. They refuse to wear a dress but don't want to wear a suit because they're not out at school and don't want to draw attention to the gender issue. What the heck do we do?

(On a related note, I'm a cisgender woman but I don't know what to wear, either. Most of the suggestions I've seen online seem to be focused on teenagers. Can I wear a dress that looks like this?)

Comments

  • drsweetie said:

    Hi everyone -- My 15-year-old has been invited to a quinceanera and we have no idea what to wear. My child identifies as agender and their standard attire is a T-shirt, hoodie, jeans, and sneakers. They refuse to wear a dress but don't want to wear a suit because they're not out at school and don't want to draw attention to the gender issue. What the heck do we do?

    (On a related note, I'm a cisgender woman but I don't know what to wear, either. Most of the suggestions I've seen online seem to be focused on teenagers. Can I wear a dress that looks like this?)

    I think your dress choice looks fine, I have no idea re agender formal/dressy attire. Maybe a wider leg pant in a more dressy fabric and some sort of embellished top. I may be completely off the mark. Good luck, I imagine there are more opinionated/knowledgeable kittens who will come to your rescue.
  • I have no ideas, but am posting here to be alerted to any responses.
  • I think your dress choice looks fine, I have no idea re agender formal/dressy attire. Maybe a wider leg pant in a more dressy fabric and some sort of embellished top. I may be completely off the mark. Good luck, I imagine there are more opinionated/knowledgeable kittens who will come to your rescue.

    Thank you! I appreciate your ideas.
  • I feel for you. I have no idea what it would be like to be in your position as a parent of a child who is exploring this sensitive issue, at such a vulnerable age.

    My suggestion would be a simple pair of black slacks and an oxford type shirt, in black or white, both of which are gender neutral, at least I think to most people, maybe a scarf and a beret, whatever shoes they are comfortable in (except probably flip flops wouldn't be appropriate). That would evoke a Parisian artist of either gender.

    Your dress idea is cute, seems appropriate to me.



  • Thank you! The Parisian idea is cute.
  • Keep us posted. We'd all love to know how this turns out, for both your outfits.
  • Thanks everyone for the advice! We tried several options, including a great Katharine Hepburn-esque combo of wide-legged velvet pants with a silky tailored shirt (which looked fantastic but "didn't feel right"). We ended up going with a white button-down shirt, standard gray dress pants, penny loafers, and a tweedy vest. Rory's girlfriend wore basically the same thing (which I didn't know until we picked her up), so they both looked like they were there to cater the party, but no one seemed to care much about that.

    For my own outfit, I was told by several people that the formality level of a quinceanera was like that of a wedding. I was always told not to wear black to a wedding, so I wore my standard "cold weather wedding attire" of a bronze sweater with a brown and burgundy velvet skirt. I was fine on the formal issue, but I was the only adult woman there not wearing black!
  • Bronze sweater with velvet skirt sounds absolutely luscious though! Glad you found something Rory was comfortable in.
Sign In or Register to comment.